Thursday, November 12, 2015

Constructor: Joel Fagliano

Relative Difficulty: Impossible

Word of the Day: MELON


Big boobs.
"I got big melons; they are 38DD."

by Stacy February 10, 2004 (Urban Dictionary)

 Not available for comment, citing having been driven "to the levee".

Not available for comment, citing having been driven "to the levee".

Thanks for clearing that up for us, Stacy!

Today's puzzle was incredibly difficult for me for no good reason. I will blame it on the fact that I was solving on a new computer, and I apparently had the zoom setting weird, so I used up at least half of the 90 seconds I spent on the puzzle just trying to get the web app(let?) to actually display both the entire grid AND the clues on screen at the same time (I know; I'm greedy for wanting both), and freaking out as that inevitably failed to happen. 

Credit where credit is due: this is a solid grid. Always appreciate a Mini with no black squares and, this being the first such puzzle since I began blogging the Mini three very long days ago, I feel obliged to point it out. Certain bloggers tend to make a big deal out of so-called "cheater squares"*, and all I have to say is, if you're looking for a crossword with literally NONE of them, well here you go. That's something that's literally never happened with the regular puzzle.

***This grid is ZERO PERCENT NOT AWESOME. Clearly this ought to be, by definition, the pinnacle of western civilization.***

I'm definitely a fan a SLATE ((1A: Online magazine that's also a roofing material), as it's very useful for doing whatever it is people do with roofing material. Is anybody else mildly alarmed by the fact that the Slate Political Gabfest (the best podcast there has ever been) now has basically nothing to do with Slate anymore, since all three of them have moved on to other places of employment? I'm torn; on the one hand I basically don't want to acknowledge at all that time is a thing that happens, and yet I'm kind of curious to hear what a post-Bazelon/Plotz/Dickerson Gabfest would sound like. What, are you going to get fucking Will Saletan, Jamelle Bouie and Emily Yoffe to do that shit? I don't think so!! Actually that might be awesome. Whatever.

No, wait, I'm not done with this reference! Maybe they would just get Mike Pesca to just  play all three parts? That's probably what I would do. At least for a little while. Maybe an antentwig or so? Give that fucker a giant lobstar for that shit and he would probably be all about it.

It's fun when your blog is languishing in obscurity and you can cuss and make obscure references with no repercussions!

The other day my boss told me we were running low on (4D: Cosmetics counter purchase).

Really wanted Stink instead of SMELL for (1D: What Skunks and gym socks do). Then I just *assumed* that 2D (Chevy's destination in "American Pie") was referring to the movie of that name in which I have no interest, as opposed to the song of that name in which I have no interest. I actually spent several seconds trying to "remember" if Chevy Chase was in those movies, even though I knew I had basically no idea. Did anybody see those? Somebody must have, right? I don't even know what they are *about*, although I assume it has something to do with baking.

As for the rest of this puzzle, this is a pretty good example of a decent-bordering-on-good-even grid that is brought down by a total lack of interest in the cluing. Everything is just fill-in-the-blank style trivia, even literally so in the case of ENTRY, which, fine, I guess certainly fits for  (5D: ___-Level Job) but I can't say that reasoning that out gave me any particular thrill or sense of anticipation. It just kind of happened, like some kind of 0f inevitable freight train of logic.

What I'm saying is, it's not like that freight train was barreling toward five innocent bystanders and I had the opportunity to reroute it to hit a fat person instead... That would have made this puzzle pretty awesome. But instead we got this.

Ah well, at least I managed to link to two different Weird Al videos.

Signed, Jonathan Gibson, Illegal Alien of Crossworld